Why Men Avoid Therapy—and Why It’s Worth Going Anyway
By Chris Graham, Professional Counsllor (MPCC- Provisional), Centre of Gravity Counselling
The quiet cost of “I’m fine”
Many men grow up learning to take pain on the chin, solve problems alone, and get back to work. Those habits can be useful—until they turn into isolation, sleepless nights, or a short fuse with the people you love. Research shows traditional masculinity norms (like “don’t show weakness”) are linked with lower help-seeking and weaker engagement in treatment. That doesn’t mean masculinity is a problem; it means some inherited rules about it can keep guys from getting the help that works. PubMed+1
What actually stops men from reaching out?
Stigma & self-reliance. Many men worry that asking for help will be judged—by others or by themselves. Classic work by Addis & Mahalik mapped how masculine role expectations shape help-seeking in men. PubMed
Not knowing where to start. If you’ve never been to therapy, the process can feel vague or awkward.
Bad past experiences. If you’ve felt talked down to, you won’t go back.
Time, money, logistics. Real barriers—especially for men balancing work and
family. Modern online options and brief therapies may help.
Men struggle—often silently
In Canada, men account for roughly three-quarters of deaths by suicide each year. That’s not because men are “weaker”—it’s because they’re less likely to seek timely help and more likely to use lethal means when in crisis. Mental Health Commission of Canada+1
Men also live with high rates of trauma exposure, and many carry symptoms of PTSD or complex PTSD, sometimes masked as anger, numbing, overwork, or substance use.
Substance use disorders—and related harms—disproportionately affect men. Seeking help earlier lowers risk and improves outcomes. CAMH
Does counselling actually work?
Yes. Decades of meta-analyses show psychotherapy is effective for depression and anxiety and improves quality of life and functioning across age groups. Different therapies (CBT, interpersonal, EMDR-informed work, parts/IFS, etc.) tend to have comparable outcomes when delivered well. In other words, “therapy works,” and there isn’t only one right school of thought. PubMed+2JAMA Network+2
The X-factor: your relationship with the therapist
Here’s the piece many people miss: the working relationship—feeling safe, understood, and aligned on goals—is one of the strongest predictors of therapy success, across all modalities and diagnoses. Large meta-analyses (295+ studies; 30,000+ clients) confirm that a strong early alliance reliably predicts better outcomes. So yes, the method matters—but the fit can matter just as much. PubMed+2Psychotherapy Society+2
What therapy looks like for men (in real life)
Direct, practical, and collaborative. Clear goals, straight talk, and skills you can use between sessions.
Strength-based. We work with the parts of masculinity that help (discipline, responsibility, protection) and update the parts that don’t (silence, self-punishment). APA practice guidance encourages culturally sensitive, male-aware care—practical, not preachy. American Psychological Association
Confidential and focused. Targeted work on sleep, stress, anger, relationships, performance, and purpose.
Why men tell me they finally came to counselling
“I’m tired of carrying this alone.”
“I’m successful at work, but my relationships are hurting.”
“I don’t want to be an angry dad.”
“I need a plan, not platitudes.”
What you can expect to get out of it
Better stress and mood control. Evidence-based strategies reduce anxiety/irritability and improve focus. JAMA Network
Fewer risky coping habits. When you have better tools, you need fewer numbing agents. CAMH
Clearer direction. Values-based work translates to choices you respect when you look in the mirror.
Stronger relationships. Communicating needs and repairing ruptures gets easier with practice.
Resilience after trauma. Gradual, well-paced trauma work helps you move from “white-knuckling it” to real recovery.
My approach with men (and why it fits)
I specialize in working with men and professional pilots via confidential online counselling. We’ll define your goals, choose a pace that fits your life, and use practical methods (CBT, EMDR-informed/parts work, narrative and somatic strategies) to get traction. You’ll leave sessions with tools—not homework for homework’s sake. (More about my approach and fees are on my site.) Centre of Gravity Counselling+2Centre of Gravity Counselling+2
If “therapy” feels like a big step, start smaller
Some guys prefer to call the first chat a consultation or “coaching-style” conversation. That’s fine. What matters is getting you unstuck. Book a no-charge consultation and we’ll see if the fit feels right—no obligation to continue. Centre of Gravity Counselling
A straightforward invitation
If any of this sounds familiar—short fuse, heavy stress, quiet sadness, over-reliance on work or substances, strain at home—reach out. You don’t have to overhaul your life to start feeling better. One honest conversation can change the trajectory.
• Book a free consultation: on my site (video or phone). Centre of Gravity Counselling
Areas I work with: anxiety, depression, trauma/PTSD/C-PTSD, addiction, shame, purpose/meaning, healthy masculinity, and pilots’ unique stressors. Centre of Gravity Counselling+2Centre of Gravity Counselling+2
Confidential online counselling, Canada-wide — structured, practical, and respectful of your time. Centre of Gravity Counselling
References (select)
Addis, M. E., & Mahalik, J. R. (2003). Men, masculinity, and the contexts of help- seeking. American Psychologist. PubMed
Flückiger, C., Del Re, A., Wampold, B., & Horvath, A. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: Meta-analytic synthesis (295 studies). Psychotherapy. PubMed
Wampold, B. (2015). How important are common factors? (overview). Psychotherapy Bulletin. PMC
Cuijpers, P., et al. (2020 & 2023). Psychotherapy effectiveness across conditions and QoL. JAMA Psychiatry / J. Affective Disorders. JAMA Network+1
Government of Canada / MHCC. Men’s suicide burden in Canada (≈75% of deaths). Mental Health Commission of Canada
Mokhwelepa, L. W., et al. (2025). Traditional masculinity norms & help-seeking. American Journal of Men’s Health. PMC
